Show Your Enthusiasm for Other Humans

Dog owners know the sheer joy of being greeted by their incredibly excited dog when they come home. Their shaking bodies and wagging tales leave no question they love to see their human friend.  That’s why there are so many dog lovers!

The friends who welcome you with open arms, excited voices and smiling faces are the friends we are always excited to see.  They can turn around a bad mood in an instant.

However, have you ever went up to someone you had not seen in years and were so excited to see them based on an amazing memory with them that your energy was bubbling over until they greeted you back? Once you said “Hi!” and you quickly realized they were less than enthusiastic to see YOU or didn’t even remember your name, how did that make you react? If you’ve ever experienced this you know how deflating it can be. Doesn’t it make you want to dial back your excitement next time?

However, why DO we dial back next time? Maybe it was just that person’s problem, not ours! Why do we let the fact that they don’t remember us deflate us or put up a shield? It can be so hard to concentrate on the simple fact of how we may have made that person feel super special even though we just let them make us feel like crap.

Many years ago at a work event while alongside one of my inspiring mentors, I excitedly went up to someone who I was looking forward to introducing to him. Upon saying hello, my mentor witnessed my response to how her enthusiasm was not shared. I must have shown the disappointment in my body language because my mentor later advised me to not let that stop me from greeting every other person I was excited to see with that same enthusiasm!

Yet, as much as I still tell myself to listen to my mentors’ words of wisdom, when rejection happens it is hard to not revert back to dialing back. The fear of being disappointed if the reaction is not reciprocated makes me modify the true feeling I have for the person. I sure hope I have not been that person who may have deflated someone else. For inside I was thinking:

  • “I am surprised you remember me!”
  • “I wish I could remember your name! It is just my brain isn’t working!”
  • “Oh, I called that wrong…you ARE a hugger, I am too!”
  • “Are they being real?”

Why is it we sometimes guard ourselves so much from being hurt that we forget to live? Who knows, they may have wished they could have remembered our name and feel bad for their not so great memory! When we can authentically share our love for another human being and we find they feel the same we find the most joy!  How are we to discover that if we hold back?

Be authentically excited to see other humans who you adore! Risk yourself to let others know they are special and held dear! Don’t hold back. Be excited to say “hi” to people even if they may not remember you. Remind them of your great memories with them! The more you show you admire others the more you will be remembered whether they reciprocate the enthusiasm or not! Becoming more vulnerable leads to connecting more and becoming fulfilled!

You do that too?

How many times in your life have you had an aha moment when listening to someone confess something they think or do?  Aren’t you are elated that you are not alone.  You blurt out “You do that too? So do I!”  Don’t you instantly like that person because you can relate to them?  Why is it so hard to let ourselves be vulnerable?  Our relationships with our friends and family, in the end, is what really matters? Aren’t they who have stayed by you due to those vulnerabilities you have shared?   What about those you love?  Didn’t you fall in love with them because they chose to trust you with their most real thoughts? Also, aren’t the people we most admire those people who are the most comfortable in their own skin?

It is self-doubt that gets in our way.  Spiraling negative self-talk creates unnecessary anxiety.  As we age, why is that so many of us let triggers take us back to the most insecure time of our life? We go back to that painful time in our life that could have been more than 30 years ago.  Just when you think you are past all of your insecure days, there are times in your life that circle back around to it.  That makes us feel we are going to fall flat on our face and erase how far we have come.  Wow!  That is hard to admit.

Admitting it is the first step to recovery though, isn’t it?  The key to stopping those bad habits is awareness.  When we can get to the point in our life where we can recognize the problem is when we can heal. More importantly, when we dig deep and discover the root cause of it, is when we start our own intervention when we see it pop up.  The faster we: draw our attention to the trigger, identify the beliefs and values behind it, recognize the emotions it causes, the outward and inner thoughts, the sooner we can start reversing that negative self-talk into positive self-coaching.

How you ask? It isn’t easy.  It can’t be done in a day.  It is never-ending.  Don’t give up hope. You can transform and it does get easier.  You will go forward and then backward. Stay consistent. Persevere.  It always comes down to discipline, doesn’t it?

I confess I haven’t gotten it down 100%.  Just as I am thinking I am getting better, moving away from my weaknesses in my past, I have a day like yesterday that takes me on a two-day spiral.  It sure helps to have a coach to keep you in practice. Who wouldn’t love a personal trainer?  Especially a free one that can relate to your struggles, empathize and encourage you to keep at it.  As you get a few techniques understood, you can then start teaching someone you love.  The more you teach someone else, the faster it helps you bounce back.

Are you ready?  I have learned that you can’t provide help to someone who doesn’t want it.  Have you heard the phrase, when the student is ready the teacher will appear?  Are you ready to do the work on you?

First, all credit for this practice goes to the teachings of Randy Creamer and his workshops through Southbrook Counseling. He has his own website Timetoheal.solutions where he will be sharing his workbooks and teachings.  He teaches how to recognize what someone is struggling with and provides resources to work through the majority of people’s problems which boils down to Unforgiveness, Low Self-Esteem, Communication problems, Emotions, and Behavior out of control, High levels of stress, Can’t say no-overwhelmed, unresolved conflict, High levels of anxiety, and controlling relationships.

I encourage you to visit Randy’s website.  Read other stories there and share your own.  Check out the once a month workshops he will be organizing on Monday nights at Southbrook Church. http://www.southbrookchurch.org to find out more details on times and topics.  Also, you can email counseling@southbrook.org at Southbrook Counseling and make an appointment with one of the Pastoral Counselors if you find you need someone to listen to understand, care, and help move you forward.

You can also choose to follow my blog as I share more on what I have learned.  Whatever you do, don’t use Facebook as your way to share your life’s problems.  Way too often you see not all Facebook “Friends” are friendly supporters.

 

Photograph taken on the Lake of Killarney in Ireland