How many times in your life have you had an aha moment when listening to someone confess something they think or do? Aren’t you are elated that you are not alone. You blurt out “You do that too? So do I!” Don’t you instantly like that person because you can relate to them? Why is it so hard to let ourselves be vulnerable? Our relationships with our friends and family, in the end, is what really matters? Aren’t they who have stayed by you due to those vulnerabilities you have shared? What about those you love? Didn’t you fall in love with them because they chose to trust you with their most real thoughts? Also, aren’t the people we most admire those people who are the most comfortable in their own skin?
It is self-doubt that gets in our way. Spiraling negative self-talk creates unnecessary anxiety. As we age, why is that so many of us let triggers take us back to the most insecure time of our life? We go back to that painful time in our life that could have been more than 30 years ago. Just when you think you are past all of your insecure days, there are times in your life that circle back around to it. That makes us feel we are going to fall flat on our face and erase how far we have come. Wow! That is hard to admit.
Admitting it is the first step to recovery though, isn’t it? The key to stopping those bad habits is awareness. When we can get to the point in our life where we can recognize the problem is when we can heal. More importantly, when we dig deep and discover the root cause of it, is when we start our own intervention when we see it pop up. The faster we: draw our attention to the trigger, identify the beliefs and values behind it, recognize the emotions it causes, the outward and inner thoughts, the sooner we can start reversing that negative self-talk into positive self-coaching.
How you ask? It isn’t easy. It can’t be done in a day. It is never-ending. Don’t give up hope. You can transform and it does get easier. You will go forward and then backward. Stay consistent. Persevere. It always comes down to discipline, doesn’t it?
I confess I haven’t gotten it down 100%. Just as I am thinking I am getting better, moving away from my weaknesses in my past, I have a day like yesterday that takes me on a two-day spiral. It sure helps to have a coach to keep you in practice. Who wouldn’t love a personal trainer? Especially a free one that can relate to your struggles, empathize and encourage you to keep at it. As you get a few techniques understood, you can then start teaching someone you love. The more you teach someone else, the faster it helps you bounce back.
Are you ready? I have learned that you can’t provide help to someone who doesn’t want it. Have you heard the phrase, when the student is ready the teacher will appear? Are you ready to do the work on you?
First, all credit for this practice goes to the teachings of Randy Creamer and his workshops through Southbrook Counseling. He has his own website Timetoheal.solutions where he will be sharing his workbooks and teachings. He teaches how to recognize what someone is struggling with and provides resources to work through the majority of people’s problems which boils down to Unforgiveness, Low Self-Esteem, Communication problems, Emotions, and Behavior out of control, High levels of stress, Can’t say no-overwhelmed, unresolved conflict, High levels of anxiety, and controlling relationships.
I encourage you to visit Randy’s website. Read other stories there and share your own. Check out the once a month workshops he will be organizing on Monday nights at Southbrook Church. http://www.southbrookchurch.org to find out more details on times and topics. Also, you can email firstname.lastname@example.org at Southbrook Counseling and make an appointment with one of the Pastoral Counselors if you find you need someone to listen to understand, care, and help move you forward.
You can also choose to follow my blog as I share more on what I have learned. Whatever you do, don’t use Facebook as your way to share your life’s problems. Way too often you see not all Facebook “Friends” are friendly supporters.
Photograph taken on the Lake of Killarney in Ireland