Create a Lasting Marriage

Stats for motivation for creating a lasting marriage and to work on your relationships:

  • 2016 according to the census bureau 71% of people are still married to their first spouse.
  • The 29% include people who were married and their spouse died.
  • When you add faith and going to church, drops divorce rate 25-50% or more.
  • 2nd marriage stats: no study.65% are still married to their 2nd partner.

Take an assessment regarding your relationship.

State either True or False based on your recent interactions with your spouse.

When My Spouse Is In A Bad Mood I Usually:

  1. Believe I am going to be blamed for some problem.  T  F
  2. Want to find out just what my spouse is feeling. T  F
  3. Fear a storm of negative emotion may be headed my way.  T  F
  4. Assume my spouse may simply be a little stressed. T  F
  5. Assume I am about to get personally attacked. T  F
  6. Believe that I can probably help my spouse feel better.  T  F
  7. Expect that my personality is about to get criticized.  T  F
  8. Want to comfort my spouse, if I can.  T  F
  9. Just want my spouse to be more positive.  T  F
  10. Think to myself, ” Something awful must just have happened.  T F

Scoring: Count up the number of times you circled F for the odd-numbered items, and add to that total the number of times you circled T for the even-numbered items.  The result is your Positive Perspective Score.  (Find out how your spouse scored and if he or she is open to sharing.)

6 or higher: You and your spouse have a strong friendship, which should greatly benefit your relationship.

Below 6: Your relationships need work on at least one of the three principles.

To start a better relationship, believe the best of the other person’s intentions. The next time you are hurt look for a more generous explanation. Become aware of what you think or what you perceive.

Happy couples treat their relationship as their best friendships and just hang out.  They are purposeful about their relationship and have fun together and play more.

They also look at their marriage as nothing else is an option. They are all in.

Many relationships fall into dysfunction when they stop asking questions and just make statements and assumptions.

Here is a list of questions to help you and your partner connect which helps create a lasting marriage:

  • What do you want…?
  • How can I help you?
  • Is there anything you would like me to be doing for you?
  • Who am I to you?
  • What do you tell other people about me?
  • What do I do well and what do I need to work on?

Learn active listening versus trying to fix the partner’s problem.

Step 1: Soften startup conversations and active listening:

“I feel (feeling word) about (thought or belief) and I would appreciate (what I would like).”

Invite conversation.

Step 2: Learn to make and receive repair attempts.  Discuss items that you do agree about.

Step 3: Soothe yourself and each other.  Call time-outs when necessary to avoid trying to solve a problem while flooded.

Step 4: Brainstorm win-win solutions.  Try to think about the other person when brainstorming ideas.

Step 5: Be tolerant of each other’s faults.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Col 4:6

Source: Cliff Notes from lessons learned from Southbrook Church and Counseling Therapy at Southbrook.  Based on teachings from Randall Creamer, BS Kentucky Christian University, Pastor, Professional Life Coach, Certified Educator, Founder & President – Time to Heal, Inc

For more download: Conflict Guide for Couples App.

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