Author: Melanie Simon

At 24, I survived a threat at gun point and tell my story in my blog titled “Freedom from Controlling Behaviors.” I am now a Mom of teenagers, career woman, wife and Pastoral Counselor who has moved from a drive for success to significance. After learning from spiritual leaders on how to counsel and being taught practices everyone can put in place to overcome common struggles, it has been rewarding to inspire other women to find fulfillment by sharing my own struggles and lessons learned. All photos within the blog were taken by my oldest daughter or me. Cover photograph of site courtesy of Olivia Simon. Author Email: everythingforthesoul@gmail.com

You do that too?

by Melanie Simon, posted in Self Mastery

How many times in your life have you had an aha moment when listening to someone confess something they think or do?  Aren’t you are elated that you are not alone.  You blurt out “You do that too? So do I!”  Don’t you instantly like that person because you can relate to them?  Why is it so hard to let ourselves be vulnerable?  Our relationships with our friends and family, in the end, is what really matters? Aren’t they who have stayed by you due to those vulnerabilities you have shared?   What about those you love?  Didn’t you fall in love with them because they chose to trust you with their most real thoughts? Also, aren’t the people we most admire those people who are the most comfortable in their own skin?

It is self-doubt that gets in our way.  Spiraling negative self-talk creates unnecessary anxiety.  As we age, why is that so many of us let triggers take us back to the most insecure time of our life? We go back to that painful time in our life that could have been more than 30 years ago.  Just when you think you are past all of your insecure days, there are times in your life that circle back around to it.  That makes us feel we are going to fall flat on our face and erase how far we have come.  Wow!  That is hard to admit.

Admitting it is the first step to recovery though, isn’t it?  The key to stopping those bad habits is awareness.  When we can get to the point in our life where we can recognize the problem is when we can heal. More importantly, when we dig deep and discover the root cause of it, is when we start our own intervention when we see it pop up.  The faster we: draw our attention to the trigger, identify the beliefs and values behind it, recognize the emotions it causes, the outward and inner thoughts, the sooner we can start reversing that negative self-talk into positive self-coaching.

How you ask? It isn’t easy.  It can’t be done in a day.  It is never-ending.  Don’t give up hope. You can transform and it does get easier.  You will go forward and then backward. Stay consistent. Persevere.  It always comes down to discipline, doesn’t it?

I confess I haven’t gotten it down 100%.  Just as I am thinking I am getting better, moving away from my weaknesses in my past, I have a day like yesterday that takes me on a two-day spiral.  It sure helps to have a coach to keep you in practice. Who wouldn’t love a personal trainer?  Especially a free one that can relate to your struggles, empathize and encourage you to keep at it.  As you get a few techniques understood, you can then start teaching someone you love.  The more you teach someone else, the faster it helps you bounce back.

Are you ready?  I have learned that you can’t provide help to someone who doesn’t want it.  Have you heard the phrase, when the student is ready the teacher will appear?  Are you ready to do the work on you?

First, all credit for this practice goes to the teachings of Randy Creamer and his workshops through Southbrook Counseling. He has his own website Timetoheal.solutions where he will be sharing his workbooks and teachings.  He teaches how to recognize what someone is struggling with and provides resources to work through the majority of people’s problems which boils down to Unforgiveness, Low Self-Esteem, Communication problems, Emotions, and Behavior out of control, High levels of stress, Can’t say no-overwhelmed, unresolved conflict, High levels of anxiety, and controlling relationships.

I encourage you to visit Randy’s website.  Read other stories there and share your own.  Check out the once a month workshops he will be organizing on Monday nights at Southbrook Church. http://www.southbrookchurch.org to find out more details on times and topics.  Also, you can email counseling@southbrook.org at Southbrook Counseling and make an appointment with one of the Pastoral Counselors if you find you need someone to listen to understand, care, and help move you forward.

You can also choose to follow my blog as I share more on what I have learned.  Whatever you do, don’t use Facebook as your way to share your life’s problems.  Way too often you see not all Facebook “Friends” are friendly supporters.

 

Photograph taken on the Lake of Killarney in Ireland

 

Giving Up Your Right Arm

by Melanie Simon, posted in Self Mastery

Sometimes it takes a negative life event to appreciate the simple things.  When you no longer have something that you used to take for granted, it changes your perspective on what satisfies you.

March 2, as I was turning 45 an accident during a ski trip led to an AC joint injury and rotator cuff surgery.  In other words, I am unable to use my right arm for several weeks and I am told I have a year-long journey ahead to get used of my arm back to close to normal.

Normally I am an active person who loves hiking, bicycling, and most of all kayaking.  My career also drives me to work 50-60 hours a week.  All of which including keeping up with the household chores like folding laundry is very reliant on my right arm.  I have spent a lot of time with family, reading, and realizing how hard it is for me to shut down and be patient and control my mind.  The days where I’ve had breakdowns of frustration coincide with the days I have not practiced what I have read and studied for so many years.

I picked up my first self-help book at the age of 18.  That’s where my journey for self-transformation really began.  It was a book I read the summer before entering college on overcoming test anxiety through self-hypnosis.  It taught me to imagine myself doing well, through first relaxing my body, controlled breathing, and visualization.  It helped me go from a 2.6 GPA student in high school to a 3.4 student in college.  More importantly, it helped me change my self-image from someone incapable of someone capable.  Through even more personal development I went from a poor shy backward farm girl that battled lots of depression to a high performing sales professional and household breadwinner that has persevered.

Even while surpassing my income goals and material possessions the relentless drive for checking off the accomplishments wasn’t leaving me feeling satisfied.  With the combination of teachings from others wiser than me and my halftime break at 45 this year, the reality of needing to concentrate on the daily rituals of filling the soul is even more glaring.

No matter who you are, we all have a story.  Some are just better than others at hiding their struggles and some are better at coping.  Others will admit they need all the help they can get to be present and fight off negative self-talk and depression.

What is consistent in all the studies for learning to be grateful, finding your joy, life satisfaction, or as I would like to call it having your soul feel fulfilled, boils down to doing the list of things below that all encompass “Everything for the Soul.”  Beyond the natural highs, nothing will leave you fulfilled.

  • Daily gratitude journal
  • Discover new things
  • Establish a positive streak
  • Exercise
  • Read something positive
  • Create something
  • Get Sunshine
  • Connection

As you review the list of what it takes, you may recognize they aren’t material things, food, alcohol, drugs, sex or any other unhealthy addiction.  It is purely a list of things you can do to reframe your way of thinking.  All of us encounter negative self-talk.  Those happiest have been able to reprogram for the positive.  It is up to you to use the tools and resources provided to put them into your own daily practice.  Once you have recognized how the tools have helped you find satisfaction in your abilities to control your thinking please share your story in the comments section of any of the posts.

On the scale of life events for many, my temporary set back of having the use of my right arm taken away is a small price to pay for appreciation of my health.  During my recovery, I have learned of others facing even more serious health scares.  A mother, friend, and wife is battling stage four cancer, a father, son, and brother facing news of a discovered brain tumor.  Another person grieves over their lost loved one who chose to end his daily mind battle through taking his own life.

No matter our struggle, there is always someone facing something worse.  By sharing my story and findings and encouraging others to tell their stories through everthingforthesoul.com may it inspire more people to use these daily practices to reframe their mind and live a more fulfilled life.  What better life purpose than to fulfill souls!

Resource: If you struggle with addiction here’s where you can find help: http://www.mission-addiction.org/about-us/

Photograph take at Diamond Peak Ski Resort